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"All promises are meant to be broken" Many of us is aware of this phrase. But what the real meaning is? How does it feel like?
But why everytime when the promises were said and received, we still feel so great?! Totally forgotten that these promises made that very moment are meant to be broken?!?!? In the end, what is left, nothing but broken hearts and empty souls.
Its okie! i am telling myself. I can do it, i will... i will give what ever you wat and need, my blessings... I will... I can... And i have done it! Can you see? I finally dare to say it, face it.. I am much stronger that i thought! I admit, i was real down, i ran away from the reality, i needed frens by my side, i ran away from home. I cry everyday, i cant sleep well everyday, even in my dreams i sob .. I close all doors, i was defensive, i do not allow any harmful words to be spread, i tried to cover, i forbid anyone who will take from my love, my feelings. Doing all these results in hurting people that i should not have hurt at all, my beloved family and frens. I am So SOrry...
Dont Worry, i'm stronger than b4. I will not fall this hard again, Never... ONCE is enough...In this lesson, i learnt things i have to learn. U said this b4 "Walk with me, for the journey ahead is one we will never forget." it has been accomplished, TQ.
I will never forget this happy but hurtful journey, i always thought i was the happiest gal on Earth, i was so proud, i was thankful and grateful... All memories will be kept, will be seal. i will remember, i had taste the real happiness of love, but not forgetting i taste the bitter part too. I was that happy b4!
Labels: its broken
Yesterday, i met up with Danz at Yishun, as usual for a chat. It was a quite late at night and there is no where else to go with tight budgets. So ya... YISHUN is the best choice! The chat began with serious tone which came along with deep thoughts. Talking about the recent life, that we had been going through and about the future. Well, i would say it is a heart to heart talk, which eventually lasted for nearly 4hrs.
I really apprenciate that she was there to lend a listening ear despite her tiring day.
Then again i have some thoughts after chatting with, done some soul-searching regarding the recent life that i am going through, looking out for reasons that had caused the results that i am facing now. It may be tough and painstaking BUT it for MYSELF, which i found it worth doing for! ME!
This afternoon at about 4.18pm laying on my bed, suddenly this song was played on 88.3FM. 非你莫屬 by TANK(our song, only frens will know why hehe). Upon hearing this song being played, my tears just kept flowingdown. All the memories jus start to flashback in front of me, seems to me like a movie. All starting from the begining to now, all the happy and unhappy moments. This song really trigger me to think carefully and deeper regarding our relationship.
Ever since 9 Aug 7.15pm, i tried to controll my tears, trying hard to makr my life happy and most importantly busy. Believing that even if this relationship is put to a stop, i will not shed a tear, i wont miss, i will be strong, i can be happier. BUT NOW! I truely know the answer from my heart. Despite all the unhappiness and insecurity from months back, i still love him so much. During these few days of grace period, yes, it is a time-out, but it just dont seems like. Reason: 两个都不舍得，就是放手。Maybe its me only? I have no idea...
12Aug after FYP!!!! WOOSHH! RElax time start! CLUBbing with the gals.. Fanni, Eileen, Stacey and myself.. Butter Factory, it was our first time there.
Comments : Not bad
Music : R&B (My favourite)
Drinks : Power... never add water de.. Strong!
Was high, was nearly drunk, hahaha... God!
Next time gals, lets go again.
Now there is nothing much i can do, but to wait till an answer is finalise. As for me, i know what i want so i guess i am the waiting party. Things are te never the same, the care, the love, the communication even the way we look into each others eyes. WHY WHY WHY!?
All i have done for the is sleep and eat. I forced myself to enter into my dreams, so i do not need to wake up and talk to anybody except for those i want to. I waited for my stomach starts to ache for food, then i told its time to get up. After eating i went back to sleep again. I dont want to stay at home, home is the last thing in mind that i wanna be in. (for now) But where else can i go? who? What am i going to do? Why i am feeling this way? Am i hurt? Am i crying inside? Am i controlling? Who else knows.
Ever since Ling Choo’s 21st birthday chalet, I have been down till now. Halim reminded me about the kite and string theory. His words pushed me back to reality instantly, hitting me hard on the face and my heart. My heart falls to the down and I am picking up the broken pieces one by one, bit by bit. At this point of time it seems like no one understand or notice that I am unable to smile happily from inside, I just can’t! What is happening? I lost my heart? Or have I lost my dreams?
FYP countdown 3 more days to go, and where are we now? SHIT!! There are still many things undone, our team is racing with time. Combining ideas into written source, compiling all the written source into a whole report and make sure there is flow and hits the objective. <<
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Now, I am still struggling with the literature review about marketing, which is hell lot of information which means lots to read. There is no space for error now. I keep reminding myself. After a long day of cooking dinner, cleaning of house and washing of clothesSSSS (realize the SSSes), what can I say, it’s a tiring day! And now! Look at the bloody time! 4.01AM for goodness! I have to wake at 8am to continue it or else I really can’t finish this. Sobzzz…….. ….. . . . .
i am really dying.. brain is dead. batt is low.... fire is burning... lots of problems in mind...
*i am half-way into the coffin!
When coffee and more coffee does not work at all!
*** Special thanks to Nicky for helping me in the middle of the night, going through my report and helping with some terms of Marketing, Thank You Nicholas! And thanks to Josh for being so selfish I want my Monkey back.***
-- In another few minutes later after I finish another section of report, I am going to retire for the day. Sweet dreams to myselfLabels: coffee does help AT TIMES
Another 12-15 hours later I am going to have my PR module UT! I am so dead. What Models of Persuasion.. and more to come … Shit! Complete Shit… Nothing is getting into my brains. Brain Dead! Other than knocking my empty head, it seems like there is nothing I can do about it. Continuing reading is lying to myself, I don’t understand a thing, I don’t remember a single term! This the MAX…i m jus staring at my screen and reading w/o sense!
There came along Nicky, who is grabbing some time for himself to relax after digging his head into books, preparing for his exams on Wed. At that point of time, both of us are in the same situation, catching some fresh air and hope that after this short rest our brains will function as normal. Results: I guess and hope it is working for him, but for my side it is not! “Too bad”
During the conversation: we talked craps, cursing each other… He and his mouth! OPPS… haha, we were talking about of us going to die cause of studies, But the biggest differences, I am going heaven and Nicky, whereas Hell! Hahahhaha… Nicky had nothing to say but agree! Poor Nicky…Labels: into the coffin soon
